I was having a bad day a few days ago. The best way to succinctly describe it is a pity party. Or, I guess I could say I was having bad thoughts about myself. That always makes me want to eat sweets...lots of them. Since I have been on this diet, I have largely adhered to the plan. However, Friday was a different day. I did buy sugar free stuff while I was at Target. However, I know better than to do this. Sugar free is not nearly a decent substitute for the sweetness I was craving, and furthermore, for me, there are consequences. I had a headache Friday night. Fortunately, cured by OTC pain relievers and an ice pack. I didn't heed the warning. There was still a pack of sugar free Jello that hadn't been made. I made it. Then, I consumed it. I woke up fine this morning, but now, I'm feeling the inkling of a headache. I'm also trying to ignore the digestive tract that is telling me that I am going to have to deal with some nausea today. It has been literally YEARS since I ate stuff sweetened with either Splenda or Nutrasweet. Maybe I forgot how terrible this poison makes me feel. Maybe I was so deep in the pity party that I didn't care at the moment. OK, well, the pity party is over, and now I just feel stupid. Note to self: being self-destructive is not productive.
The behavior I see in myself reminds me a lot of Aunt Vicki. She was a fantastic cook and loved to share with us all. She died a few years ago with the standard diseases that kill most Americans, but she was younger than most of the patients I have taken care of. She lived life her way until the end. My cousin put it the most accurately when he said that Aunt Vic ate herself to death. We don't think much of overeating because everyone does it sometimes (Thanksgiving Day comes to mind). A lifestyle of overeating non-nutritive (or junk) food is really a self-destructive behavior. I guess the truth is that if I don't want to die the same slow, painful death that she did, I must continue the path of change. Replacing bad habits is difficult. The next time I think bad thoughts about myself, I could tell the thoughts to 'shut up.' Maybe I can imagine a remote control that can just turn that show or recording off.
I know that this problem is common among we humans. I guess I don't know what other people do when they're feeling bad about themselves. Maybe now is a good time to find out. Any thoughts?